


Big girls don't cry

by KellyJK



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: A sort of Mandy's POV, Angst, Everything Hurts, F/M, Mickey is a protective brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 06:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellyJK/pseuds/KellyJK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't matter how hard she tries, she still loves Ian.<br/>She knows she can't have him. She knows.<br/>When Ian goes to the Milkovich's house before he leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big girls don't cry

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, this is my first Ian/Mandy. I love them as hell, with Mickey and Lip they're my favorite characters. I love this couple because I think that a part of Mandy, in some way, still loves Ian but she knows she can't have him.  
> I have to thank my beta-reader for reading this and because she has fixed my mistakes.  
> I hope you like it, enjoy it.

“I know,” Mandy was sitting on the steps of the house, Ian was at her side as usual.  
"You didn’t come here for me," she said with a soft voice, lighting a cigarette.  
“Look at me when I speak to you,” she added then in a firm tone, smoking and inhaling deeply.  
Ian was silent, and Mandy's heart began to break inside her chest.  
“He will always be your first choice, and I will never be a choice for you,” she said slowly, as if it was painful, as if each word was a stone.  
“You know I'm gay,” Ian answered, finally facing her and straight into her eyes.  
“Sure you’re gay, you’ve fucked my brother for almost three years and I’ve never noticed anything like a dumbass,” she pointed out with all the anger she had.  
“It was your pretty, little, dirty secret,” she continued more angry than ever.  
“Please, Mandy, don't do what you're doing,” he tried to stop her, “please,” he repeated and his voice was breaking in the air.  
“Do what, exactly?,” she grinned, “I've always been honest with you, but I'm the only one here”.  
“You were my first choice, Ian,” she said in a whisper, and a smile full of sadness appeared on the corner of her lips.  
Ian wanted to hold her in his arms, as he had always done in the past. He wanted to hold her so hard to erase all the sorrow she had on her face, but there was that look in Mandy: it was in her eyes and it seemed so full of hatred and resentment that nothing could turn it off. It was made of ice but it burned and hurt.  
Mandy was still staring at him with a furious look, full of rage and grudge. She laughed out, it seemed a forced, unnatural laugh.  
“I look like my brother: we have the same blue eyes, the same black hair, the same pale skin, the only thing I haven’t is a damn dick between my legs,” she literally yelled.  
“You aren't the same, you’re better than him,” Ian said it a low voice, taking her face in the hands.  
“But you still love him,” she shook her head.  
"I ever had a chance with you? A real possibility?” she said slowly, because every word was like a boulder.  
Ian didn't answer. Mandy knew, she understood everything, and his silence was speaking for him.  
 _"The words of silence are the true ones,_ ” she thought with another melancholic smile.  
Ian still had her face in his hands, their eyes chained but there were no words, not even one.  
“You have to go,” she said looking down.  
“I can stay,” Ian replied, “just for a little while, if you want to," he pressed the forehead on hers.  
“I don’t want you to stay, I want you to go, so go away," she murmured with a trembling voice.  
“Your eyes are more clear, they're light blue. It’s not the same color as Mickey’s,” Ian whispered back.  
“If there’s a girl I could love, Mandy, you are that girl,” Ian put his lips on her forehead and kissed her with all the love he felt. Mandy's eyes narrowed.  
He wanted to kiss away the sadness, the pain, everything that was hurting her. But the only person that was hurting Mandy was Ian.  
“Just go,” she had the force to say while she trembled like the prey of a vortex of emotions. 

Ian did and left her alone. Abandoned, betrayed, disappointed. Mandy was all that or it was what she believed to be. It was like having a war in the heart, now over.  
Mandy didn't feel anything anymore: it was better not to feel anything rather than just feel pain.  
She was still sitting on the steps of the Milkovich's house, with the almost total burned cigarette exactly like her. Mandy had always felt turned on like a light in the night, burned, consumed and now simply turned off. Like the cigarette she had squeezed between the fingers.  
She took a drag for the last time, expelling the smoke in a grey cloud.  
It was Mandy Milkovich. She was the girl with no fear and a broken, dead heart in the chest.  
It started to rain and Mandy was happy in some way.  
The one tear she was crying it mingled with the drops of rain, which completely extinguished the cigarette still stuck between her fingers, now it was completely consumed. Like Mandy was too.

The door opened, Mandy heard Mickey's footsteps.  
"It’s raining, come in," Mickey said staring at her and waiting for an answer that came harshly.  
"He would have stayed for you, but not for me," she screamed out loud.  
Shouting it out she tried to get rid of the immense weight she had carried in her heart. She had imprisoned love in the depths of herself, she had tried to find it elsewhere, in Lip then, but it wasn’t enough.  
“If I could fight for him and win, I would have done. You didn’t, you’ve just let him go,” the words came out as if they were a curse.  
 _“But I always lose in love, I will never be the first choice of anyone_ ,” she realized with her soul in pieces.  
Mickey passed a thumb over his mouth, looking straight at her in the face and finding himself in those blue, liquid eyes.  
“Come in,” he said again, this time sounding afraid and worried about her.  
In the rain that was falling thick and cold, Mandy surrounded him and he held her back more than ever in his strong arms.  
 _“Big girls don’t cry_ ,” she thought, pressing her face on his brother’chest.  
Mickey was there with her, her home was in his arms, with him. He wouldn’t have gone, he would always be there and she knew it.  
A little smile appeared on the corner of her mouth.


End file.
